Friday, 13 September 2013

chapter VII - the dreadful hours

After the big fight, it was... somehow reassuring to see that no one, not even Josh's family, was willing to take him in. This may sound cruel, but it was a way for me to stop making excuses for him and to see that not a single person in all of his friends and family, not even his grandmother, were OK with his lifestyle, believed he had some future in it and were willing to give him a break. 

He had no choice but to move to another state, to an old beach house his grandmother owned, where he spent the summer. I ended up regretting the whole thing, because I was pretty sure he hadn't cheated after all (which doesn't mean he wasn't getting ready for it, I know), because a good friend of mine told me Josh had swore nothing had happened, and he really didn't have any reason to lie to him, or to try to manipulate him, thinking  he would later tell me, because they were best friends. This friend is someone who was already (and recently) completely honest with me, regardless of the harm it could do to Josh, by telling me I should have never taken him back and should actually consider leaving him for good, because of his poker lifestyle. So yeah, I trust him.

Meanwhile, I fell into a depression and started doing therapy. I lost 15 pounds in a month (and I'm slim!), wasn't able to eat, sleep or do anything, the whole nine yards. You probably know what I'm talking about. It sounds crazy, it is crazy, but I just missed him and loved him too much. I can tell you a few things I learned about codependence and unhealthy relationships in another post.

In September, however, I had one of the happiest days of my life. I was leaving work and walking towards my car, when I saw Josh just standing there, waiting for me. It was one of those movie-like moments, you know? I had never lived anything as powerful and mindblowing and heartwrecking as that. We just held eachother crying, not even saying a world, it was so surreal. We immediately got back together but kept it a secret for a few months. He was living at a friend's house, but eventually moved back in with me.

So... I had to face my family and friends, who considered me an idiot, brainless little girl for taking him back; and he had to face some of his friends who thought he was stupid for chasing me after I had kicked him out "for no reason". Yeah, there was no cheating, but our money problems were real. And this, of course, he never told them. 

Thank you for reading, feel free to share your stories with me by writing to or just leaving them in the comments section. I will continue writing soon, and you'll see how a good scare can do miracles for some people: Josh came back a changed man.

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