chapter V - another day, another... fight

After being together for almost 3 years, I got my own place and Josh started talking about moving in together. Moving to his house wasn't an option for me for several reasons. First of all I had a brand new home, fully equipped and beautifully decorated (my father owns an antique store and got me a bunch of 70's furniture, lamps, paintings and objects). 

Second of all, Josh's house was a mess - his constant rampages caused him to break things around the house whenever he lost, and he also wasn't exactly a tidy person. I'm talking about kicked in doors, several desks broken in half, and tons of dishes laying around in the sink every week waiting for the cleaning lady (payed by his grandmother) to arrive. 

And finally, because his house always creeped me out. His parents died under tragic circumstances and I never felt comfortable around the house. I'm not saying it's haunted, but... I'm not saying it isn't. I don't know, I guess I'm a little paranoid, but the idea of living there just didn't feel right.

So he ended up moving in with me, although I wasn't totally ok with it, I was enjoying living alone (I did so for about 6 months) and didn't feel ready to have him "invading" my space. Actually we had a big fight the week he moved in and I was thinking about calling the whole thing off, but, as always, I gave in. My love for him, or obsession or whatever you wanna call it, always spoke louder. 

He moved in late November and by June he was out - I basically kicked him out, and I will tell that story in my next post. But during those months our lives just got worse and worse, thanks to the lack of money, my feelings that he wasn't trying hard enough, that he was using me and he didn't really love me. Our finances were organized in a simple way: I payed for everything, he would pay me back when he could, depending on how well he did on the tables.

This, along with the fact that he didn't help around the house and didn't treat me right, became unacceptable for me and it all went down in flames when I found out he had been cheating... again.