I understand that reading my blog can become exasperating for some people, who believe I'm being unnable to do the easiest and more logical thing on earth. I imagine you reading this and thinking "how can she be so dumb?!"... but there's nothing I can do about it (apart from following your advice, if and when I'm ready).
Yesterday I watched a show called "Who The **** Did I Marry" where a 40 year-old lady married this australian guy that robbed her of like 250 thousand dollars on fake business trips in which he was actually meeting other women. I identified with her a lot, although my case isn't that bad. And it felt a little easier knowing that even a 40 year old woman can go through something like this.
But what I wanted to say is that, as she said, people who have never been in a relationship like this can't understand how someone can tolerate certain things. Keep that in mind. Basically I'm asking you to go easy on me... and sorry for not being, yet, able to "grow up". I'm working on it, everyday. Thank you for reading and for all the support.
Oh, for those who asked, I'm from Europe, from a country who is experiencing one of the worst financial crises. Our unemployment rate is at 20%. Our minnimum wage is 600 dollars (McDonald's, cleaning, security guards...) and, on average, someone my age and education (like young lawyers, architects, designers,...) earns like 1000 dollars. I earn 1700 dollars a month, not the 1200 I was saying (been doing the math and I was wrong sorry!).
Now, the scheduled post:
Hi there, finally got some spare time to write.
Yesterday I watched a show called "Who The **** Did I Marry" where a 40 year-old lady married this australian guy that robbed her of like 250 thousand dollars on fake business trips in which he was actually meeting other women. I identified with her a lot, although my case isn't that bad. And it felt a little easier knowing that even a 40 year old woman can go through something like this.
But what I wanted to say is that, as she said, people who have never been in a relationship like this can't understand how someone can tolerate certain things. Keep that in mind. Basically I'm asking you to go easy on me... and sorry for not being, yet, able to "grow up". I'm working on it, everyday. Thank you for reading and for all the support.
Oh, for those who asked, I'm from Europe, from a country who is experiencing one of the worst financial crises. Our unemployment rate is at 20%. Our minnimum wage is 600 dollars (McDonald's, cleaning, security guards...) and, on average, someone my age and education (like young lawyers, architects, designers,...) earns like 1000 dollars. I earn 1700 dollars a month, not the 1200 I was saying (been doing the math and I was wrong sorry!).
Now, the scheduled post:
Hi there, finally got some spare time to write.
In response to grrouchie serge, who bothered to write a full post explaining how his life works (thank you): no I’m not related to Stephen King haha, but I do love the author and that’s exactly why I chose this surname (I also thought King would be a fairly common surname in the States). If you work and you play poker as a hobby, that’s great and that’s what I was hoping Josh to do. The problem is.. well, I’ll explain it in a moment.
My point when creating this blog wasn’t to whine about my miserable life and get sympathy from strangers, or even to get the necessary encouragement to leave Josh. Believe me, I’ve had plenty of encouragement from everyone I know over the years. I know that is the most obvious answer to our problems: just leave, go your separate ways, move on with your lives. That is also the most difficult thing to do, when you are in love with someone. My goal with this blog was to raise questions and start discussions that could lead to reasonable and original ideas on how I could continue living with the man I love. And the poker players’ (and their wives) community looked like the best place to do it, since it would gather pro and against-poker opinions.
I could give you a list of reasons why I love Josh, or why I think it’s worth to fight for this relationship, but you’d certainly be bored to death. Besides, some of those reasons are unexplainable by words, as I believe you know, if you love someone. What I mean is, I thank and respect all of your comments (and agree, when I put my heart aside), but I can’t be “reasoned with” into leaving Josh. It’s impossible.
So, I’ll give you some facts, plain and simple, that justify (to my belief) Josh’s choices and provide what I consider to be a valid argument for me not to feel “offended” enough to just dump him:
- Josh didn’t go to college, so he can only do “minor” jobs like working at McDonald’s or so.
- Minor jobs here don’t pay more than 600 dollars (full time) and 300 (part time) a month.
- He hates minor jobs, he worked in several of them since he was 18, until starting his full time Poker activity (yes, I care about what he likes or hates).
- Josh makes 450 dollars playing Poker, which is only about 150 less than if he was working full time on something he hated.
- He says he has a chance of making his stash grow if he doesn’t have to withdraw too much every month, and we will see about that...
- He feels Poker is his best chance at a good life in this country, given his education and working experience. He could work as a security guard, standing 12 hours on the same spot every day and make 600 dollars for the rest of his life, or he could try his best playing online and make his money grow. - This is how he sees it.
- He is still committed to working the antique’s business with my dad and try and make an extra 100 whenever he sells pieces (he loves antiques).
This is, from a cold, rational standpoint, why I “tolerate” him, as you might put it. The way I see it, if I earn 1700 a month, I can accept to take 200 and pay our bills and his loan, giving him time to make his money grow while not forcing him to withdraw more from his Poker account. In exchange, he’ll clean and cook every day, as I said, allowing me to let the cleaning lady go (and saving me money).
Strangely as it may seem, I can live with that... if, of course, he lives up to his part. Do you think it’s a fair deal? I'll tell you about our progress as the time goes by. I already have a big post scheduled for tomorrow.
Thank you for reading.
xoxo
Andrea
Ok, so we've found something that Josh likes other than poker.
ReplyDeleteSomething, that should he decide to pursue further, could generate an income that would allow him to contribute financially to the running costs of your home.
Might I suggest Josh look at going back to school, even part time, perhaps gaining a qualification of some sort pertaining to the antique business.
Couple that with work experience in your fathers business....here is a perfect opportunity for Josh to increase his education level, perhaps meet new people and gain a deeper understanding of an industry he is genuinely interested in. Once he graduates he could seek employment with his newly found qualification which would draw an income, additional to what he makes playing poker that would go towards taking some of the financial pressures off you.
Could that be an option?
That is a great idea, yes! And I talked about it... but Josh is very resistent to pursuing an education because he doesn't believe it'll ensure him a good job while the financial crisis lasts here in our country.
DeleteBut that's a great idea ollie and I will start hammering his head with it again soon. Maybe try some Workshops instead of College Dregrees, something quicker and not as hard for him to adjust to (he's been out of school for 10 years).
You are right Andrea, it doesn't have to be a long winded college degree. Just something simple, perhaps an adult learning course, 6 week certificate course, foundation course or level 1 course. A stepping stone so to speak.
DeleteHe can take advantage of the economic slump whilst it is here....and prepare himself for when the economy picks up.
Nothing will ensure someone a good job, there are no guarantees in life, especially in the work force, however, one can do a variety of things to increase ones chances of obtaining employment with a higher pay rate, educating oneself is a pretty good start.
Baby steps.
I like the idea... preparing for when the economy picks up. I will tell him that. Increasing his chances (odds) is also a good point, it's his language at least :) Thank you. I know he can't be forced into change though... at some point, if he doesn't, I will have to be me the one to change and move on.
Deleteget some job skills( welding,truck driving,computer repair,etc,etc).or is getting ones hands dirty taboo too
DeleteAndrea, no one in their right mind will think u are dumb for sticking there by Josh in his time of need. Please realize that the people posting the negative comments here are really trying to say that because of ME, not Josh. All my flaws has infected others opinions. Anger is a gifts comments are written primarily from the viewpoint of what he wants me, not u, to see, and is why he talks about stuff like spas and beans totally unrelated to Josh. I would think that u are a very good and caring woman (and wish more were like u) who can care about things in life other than how much money a man makes. A woman who is loyal nowdays is hard to find. This secular world, (without God) and using the govt as the father, (welfare) teaches women they no longer need a man in their family. Now yes, ive not seen my son much, but that should be understandable in my situation. i have no idea how to be a dad, because i never had one as an example when i was growing up. also i wouldve probably not been the best influence, and he probably turned out far better due to me not being around, so its not the bad thing others made it out to be. and the main reason i was never around is this. Mom totally refused to live anywhere other than Lyons ks, a tiny place in the middle of nowhere far removed from any casinos. if my family lived in vegas, or even in any normal city outside of vegas such as Denver for example, id seen them all the time. But Lyons? i dont wanna live there unless i have to. my mom owns a house there and loves small towns and never wouldve considered moving anywhere else. But yeah a man is important and is still valuable. And a woman who loves her man and cares about human beings who are struggling more than cash is a very valuable and loving and caring person who is more valuable in a mans eyes than any amount of money. its no wonder he loves u so much, and i wish i knew how to find a woman like that. and id strongly suggest u dont tell him about this blog.
ReplyDeleteYes, that's why I'm trying to keep my location secret. I think he'd be very sad and upset by some of the comments here... and the posts.
DeleteIs there any post on your blog where you tell your personal story? Maybe that way I could understand where all those negative comments are coming from.
I've always been loyal to Josh and I agree there are more important things in life than money, otherwise I'd never even gone on a second date with him.
My parent's say love in a cottage isn't real, but I believe it is.. I guess I'm a bit romantic. The truth is the only reason why I'm still with Josh is LOVE. And I know many couples that stay together for other reasons, such as money, kids, or simply because it's more practical, even if they don't talk to each other all day... society seems to think that's just fine. I don't.
actually tony, i have seen it when my gf use to deal poker. dopes like u and josh keep thinking they r so great at poker. they keep borrowing,stealing,selling stuff just to get some money 4 stake in the game.it is the same old story.also,if josh and tony r so good and talented ppl should b lining up the stake them, right?i mean some of yr readers ,tony.they have not just jobs but CAREERS.i wonder y they dont stake u will some cash? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. bcuz they r smart enuff to know u arent good enuff to make a living playing poker.just work.do something.
Deleteoops with some cash.
Deletefor someone whose never known any life but poker, getting a job isnt the easiest thing. Probably easier for him than me, hes not been out of the job market nearly as long, and he dont have aspergers, (the disability u wondered about) but being in Greece, theres not many jobs. Nor in Spain. i wish i knew what else i might like to do other than poker, i might be forced to find some work, its been many years since ive been this bad of shape. But i need to go to a vocational evaluation and i dont know where that is. if someone knows, please leave comments unrelated to andreas situation off her blog and tell me on my blog instead. of course no one wants to do work they hate, and for it only paying $150 a month more, would be pretty silly.
ReplyDeletedont listen to all these guys who work for a living and probably dont have a high idea of those who play poker. listen to people who actually play poker as their only means of support. they can understand certain things others dont understand, such as how a guy with the desire to become successful at it will never ever give up that dream. and nothing wrong with paying him $200 a month to do odd things about the house, especially if its less than ud pay someone else. in that case, u are supplying him with paid employment, so then he does have a job.
i didnt go to college either, my options are just as limited, but im actually broker than Josh right now without housing. i too feel, as does Josh, my only shot at success is to become a lot better and a lot luckier at poker. for when i re-evaluate my play, seems most of my decisions are correct and im simply running bad, and paying for a lot of earlier poor decisions in the past 2 years totally unrelated to poker that got me in such a bind. its easy for people to get the wrong idea when all they seen was the drop going down and not all the wins at poker that built the roll coming up. $7000 in one month in cali alone right before the drop.
and its not a good idea for him to reduce his roll online to where he has to play less. he should try to live with zero expenses, thats the best way he can get on his feet and eventually surpass ur income.
Yes... to live with zero expenses would be good, but that's not acceptable for me, since I'm not his mom, that kind of crosses the line for me. Still, I am willing to help him out as I said.
DeleteI think that it's only healthy to consider other job opportunities, in case the player's dreams don't come true. Also, on a personal level, it's healthy to find more things you enjoy doing and/or can be good at, other than Poker. Or your life gets too limited.
I'd recommend determining a time limit to accomplish those dreams and knowing how to deal with it if time runs out - to accept faillure and change directions may be hard, but unless you are addicted to the game, you'll know it's time to move on.
when u survived off it for about 20 yrs, and only in the last 1-2 yrs have u been really bad off, its hard to want to do something different. Before poker, my life was much worse, i was a panhandler like 1989-1993. slowly poker took over, and i slowly got a much better life, (by that i meant mainly living indoors instead of outdoors) and though i was never rich, i was self supporting and free of govt help most of the time. it was only when i got down low to about $500 back in 2005 and went home to live at moms with her and my son did i get on ssi, and she worked hard to get me on, and is sad its so hard to get me back on now after being off it for so long. ive been playing poker for too long to ever change now. but i know when i have a large enough roll to work with ill be successful again. not too long ago i was successful in cali with not much of a roll and i thought i was gonna be ok once my $800 hit $1800 til i made the dumb move of returning to Jean NV. ud have to read a lot of posts from way back to get a true picture.
Deletelmao. success in cali means sleeping in a bus,spa,or outside,panhandling in san diego,not brushing yr teeth,and wearing same clothes for a couple of days.WOW. u r a pro player,tony.
DeleteThat is a lame list of bullshit excuses. You can't possibly believe any of them.
ReplyDeleteAll jobs are minor jobs on day one. That's how jobs work. First you have to prove yourself, then you advance. If you're not willing to work hard, especially at something you "hate" (which is also bullshit, he hates it because he's lazy and he hates any hard work) then nobody will give you a job where they need somebody they can count on.
Nobody got where they are because someone gave them their ideal job. They started at the bottom and worked there way to their "non-minor" job.
If he's not willing to work at a REAL JOB, then he should have to deal with the consequences of that, not have you paying for him to go out partying with his friends multiple times per month. Do you understand how ridiculous that even sounds?
Stop lying for him. You said he makes 450 every two months. That's 225 per month.
I'm sorry to sound harsh, but you are making excuses for your enemy, like someone with Stockholm Syndrome. Blink twice if you are typing this against your will!
https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQptYtFht1Krj61WDOAGAIy02ca7VlvXYeNsW10V7X2CZ-Uw6yq7Q
DeleteAllow me to disagree, DuggleBogey :) I believe there are better jobs than others, hence the "minor" jobs. Even if you start at the bottom in my company, it's still a better job than working at McDonald's, regarding salary and daily tasks. That's my perspective, at least, of course you can love the idea of working at a store and don't mind getting paid less.
DeleteI currently work at my ideal job, which is exactly where I started in this company. I didn't progress, I started as a copywriter and I could try to "grow" into a manager but I don't want to. So yeah, you don't necessarily have to grow into your ideal job, and I'm living proof of it.
I understand how that can sound ridiculous to you, yes. But it doesn't sound ridiculous to me, nope... It's something I can live with, for now.
I'm not lying for him. I said he makes 450 "every other month", what I meant was that his year winnings correspond to a 450 monthly average - sometimes he might do better, others worse, maybe I didn't explain myself right but that's what I meant with "450 every other month" :\
Hehehe and yeah, I'm blinking right now :P
sure there r better jobs than others. what makes u think josh is so much better than ppl that do so-called minor jobs? great elitist attitude.really what has josh done?
DeleteIf McDonalds is the best job he can get, he's just not trying. Maybe things are different in America, but I doubt it.
DeleteIf there's anything he's interested in, there's an entry level job for it, even if it's just emptying the trash cans.
And if he proves himself reliable and trustworthy, he will advance. If he shows up late every day and complains all the time because he "hates" hard work, then he's fucked.
true bogey.but i loved working at MCDs .free food. was in cocoa beach at the time. working overnights. off by 6am then community college or go to the beach watch the sunrise smoking some ganja. good times
DeleteI don't know how things work over there but refusing to ever join the workforce here all because you didn't go to college immediately out of high school is a great excuse to tell the guy behind you in line at the soup kitchen here.
DeleteHmm I don't think Josh is better than people who do so called "minor" jobs... And by "minor" I mean jobs that pay less than average, I'm not minoring the job/function itself, every job is equally important, I value a competent doctor as much as I value someone nice and efficient that takes orders at a fast food restaurant.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLook, my point is that getting a job is not that difficult, if you are willing to give it your all.
ReplyDeleteAnd being a pro poker player is MUCH more difficult. You have to have an AMAZING level of skill and discipline. You have to be willing to protect your bankroll NO MATTER WHAT. If it means sacrificing nights out and fun outings, it must be done. You have to force yourself to play every day for long periods with no breaks. You have to be able to weather the down swings without getting emotional and altering your demeanor and your play.
Anybody who thinks they "deserve" month long vacations with money they were given as a bankroll is NOT disciplined enough to do what it takes to be a pro player.
And nobody who is incapable of holding a job is capable of having the drive and discipline to force themselves to play enough to be a pro. Life just doesn't work that way. The people who can make it as poker pros could be successful at whatever they wanted, because they have the internal motor that motivates them to succeed at whatever task that is set before them.
Those who look to poker as a last resort because they "can't" do anything else are just lazy people unwilling to do what it takes to work for a living.
I hear you, but Josh thought he deserved a month vacation four years ago, when he first started, not now. Actually we've been on vacations and he played every night, while I was sleeping, he had to.
DeleteRegarding his inability to hold a job, that is absolutely true so far, on jobs he hated. If that means he doesn't have what it takes to make a living out of Poker... we'll have to wait and see, because this is something he believes in and puts effort into. He has been making a living off it for 4 years, but not entirely on his own, that's for sure. I guess we really have to wait and see.
I am curious, what kind of effort has Josh put into improving his game?
DeleteAndrea you say you are 100% in love with Josh, you do what you have to do to prove it. Now put Josh to the test. Stop the free cash flow and living expenses, lets see if Josh will do the same. Will Josh do what he has to do to prove his love for you? Will Josh study poker to get better, will Josh get a part time job, will Josh do anything to prove to you that he is actually trying.
ReplyDelete