Alright, so yesterday Josh made me a counter-offer to see if we could continue our relationship in a way that would satisfy us both: for him this means not working, for me not feeling used. These were the terms of the deal.
On my part, everything would continue as we decided in September:
- I would pay the house expenses on my own (water, electricity and gas - we don't pay for cable TV, phones or Internet because I work for the company) - about 100 euros total (meaning I'd be giving him 50 euros)
- I would pay his bank loan monthly (125 euros)
- I would give him 20 euros a week (80 euros)
This is a total of about 250 euros worth of help.
He would:
- Do everything in the house for me, including: cooking, cleaning, laundry and walking the dog for me every single day - this sounded immediately good because I hate walking the dog on weekdays (we currently take turns walking the dog and I usually don't feel like doing it);
- The 20 euros a week could only be used to do things together as a couple, or for him to go out with his friends in case I want to stay home, but never for things that are exclusively his, like supplements; - this is also better, because the previous deal implied that if I wanted to do something with Josh, I'd have to pay even more, since he used those 20/week to do stuff for himself. So I was paying him 80 a month + any other cash spent in "couples stuff".
- He would continue to pay for his own food;
- I would only pay for the stuff above mentioned until he was able to recover some of his bankroll and, as it grew (supposedly), I would gradually pay less and less, until we would finally distribute our expenses equally.
He made a convincing point on how this was a way for us to be together and how he's not with me just because of what I can offer him, but also because he loves me, or else he wouldn't put up with my mood swings or indecisions or pressures or even try to change things to accomodate me.
So... basically now I'm thinking and looking inside to see if this would be ok with me or if the alternative (giving up and get separated) would be better. The main question is.. are these things worth my 250 euros? Do they balance themselves out? Is he working enough for me to feel good, to be worthy of my help?
It's tempting, because the deal seems now a little more balanced my way. But it's still a "deal", an "arrangement", a "sacrifice" of my finances... of course he'd also sacrifice by doing all that stuff... so the thing is trying to realize if I'd have good quality of life with this arrangement, or if I'd be going against my wants and needs again, by accepting it.
Must think about it... I am inclined to accept, because I don't want the relationship to end, but I'm not sure if that is reason enough, or if I'm just being co-dependent again. :(
xoxo
Andrea
wow.i want josh life.WTF. i need to find a girl like this in colorado.
ReplyDeleteTBC find this girl. she is yr salvation. like the section of the website thechive.com called find this girl.where pics of chicks r displayed and ppl ask other help to find them. TBC nation find this chick 4 the degen gambler. grouchie is right .this is a great soap opera. take the deal ,andrea.u know u want to y even ask us. i just wish u had a sister in colorado.she could get me a loan to play poker or fantasy sports. she goes to work. i walk the dog,clean,etc,etc. so that takes 2 hours. then watch espn,smoke some weed,drank some fat tires(microbrew),ride my bike(or just have the dog drag me around that is better save time),place some sports bets or fantasy sports on draftstreet.then she even pays me money that i use to take her to movies or whatever.then go online and play penny poker all night. SWEET. u r right,girl. this guy is a keeper.
ReplyDeleteWell I'm not exactly waiting for you to tell me what to do, I know you think I should boot him, but it's always interesting to share ideas.
ReplyDeleteWould you accept these terms from your housewife (if u had one)? Remember: I'm not asking you to put yourself in my position, I'm asking if you'd accept this situation if you lived with a hot tattoed girl (you mentioned you liked them) that you loved and she didn't want to work.
Just debating things here.
nope. the only way . i would do it is if she was going to school,she was pregnant,if i made enuff to support us both,etc,etc.i think u r missing the point. he is suppose to b making money at poker . IT HAS BEEN 4 YEARS,GIRL (c no babydoll,etc,etc lol) .josh needs to get a job BUT y should he? all these things that r part of the bargain .he should b doing anyway. i or anybody who isnt a leech would.
DeleteSo any housewife is a leech unless she has children?
Deletewell if i loan her money to start a business and for 4 years .the said business doesnt turn a profit and she resist or i deal to bargain 4 her to do laundry,walk dog,etc.etc. then i am paying on a loan 4 her business. then i give her money ,so she can then spend on me when we go out. then yup i would say she is a leech.now,if i have a wife and going to the said relationship . i make enuff money to pay the bills and we r happy with that lifestyle. then she isnt a leech. but that isnt yr relationship ,is it? u thought by now he would b making the BIG MONEY at poker and contributing to this relationship.
Deletethe children situation has nothing really to do with it. if she was working b4 we got married. y stop?and vice versa y would i stop working ? most couple both ppl work. sometimes 1 or the other works 2 jobs. I KNOW THE HORROR.that is y i find it so funny that the poker pro wont work part time to make up 4 the short comings of his poker profits but i guess he doesnt need to. he can just wait till the grandma dies and sell the beach house.
DeleteYou can do it on a trial basis, say for 30 days and see how it works. Make it an explicit period that both of you agree on, and agree to evaluate and make adjustments if necessary.
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the day, it is your relationship and what you want to get out of it. If you feel taken advantage of, then you probably are being taken advantage of. There is nothing wrong with one person in a couple relationship making all or most of the money, and there is enough money to build a life on. However, intent is very important. Why your spouse do or don't do, to me is more important in many cases than what the person actually does.
As always, good luck.
I believe that is smart, yes, the trial period. I will follow that advice. Thanks Pokerdogg!!
DeletePokerdogg...one of the 3 original wise men.
DeleteThis can be a slippery slope.....just make sure you stick to you guns...no extra 20 euro here or there for this or that.
Just always try to look at it from an outside perspective. When the people on this blog and your friends are telling you to kick him to the curb, they are saying it because they see things that you may not see. Love is awesome...but don't let it cloud your vision.
Thank you Bill :) However, being inside the relationship I also see things you do not see.
DeleteThis never ceases to amaze me. Your boyfriend is trying to make you feel bad for doing something for yourself instead of paying him to share a living space with you and make token contributions to the running of the household.
ReplyDeleteYou're supporting a childless stay at home boyfriend, and he has you wrapped around his finger. Amazing.
I see this situation as an investment in our future as a couple. But it's my personal view, I know few of you share it and respect your opinion.
Deleteit is yr life,girl. good luck and all that.if u r happy .that is all that really matters.
DeleteHe has proven to both not be winning at poker AND playing less and less every month. What sort of miracle is going to fix that sinking ship?
Deletedivine intervention?
Delete250 Euros is a lot of money. You can buy a car for 250 euros.
ReplyDeleteAre you going to give him money to buy you a Christmas present? When is your birthday, does he need money to buy you something for that? Does he get extra for February, so you can have a nice Valentine's Day?
The "future money" is a pipe dream. You know this, right? Any amount of money you give him will only increase over time, not diminish. Is that what you want for your future? Why are you making deals to get into a possibly tolerable situation that will soon become intolerable?
You do realize there are guys out there who would care enough about themselves and you that they stop being lazy and work for nice things for the both of you?
i guess 250 is an investment,sir.
DeleteA car for 250 euros??? A very shitty car... The average car costs 15.000/17.000 euros in my country.
DeleteYes I do realize there are other men in the world. No, I don't believe this is a pipe dream.
mayb he meant 250 a month payment?
DeleteYes, 250 a month can buy a pretty decent car, can't it?
DeleteThe blog needs some topless selfies.
ReplyDeleteLMAO
DeleteGo ahead PPP :)
Deleteso have u seen TOOL in concert? i am not going to talk about the PRO anymore . waste of time and it seems i am piling on him.plus P3 mayb right. he is smart.
ReplyDeleteYep I've seen them three times, I absolutely love the band. More than A Perfect Circle and Puscifer ;)
Deletesweet.i saw tool with rage against the machine in early 90s. also, couple times in fl and atlanta. perfect circle at different venues. havent seen puscifer yet thou. was hoping rage would get back together but so far not.
DeleteRTP lester i would b all over the TBC blog .he doesnt have auto publish comments..he deletes most of them,so i just follow on RTP
ReplyDeleteAndrea - Josh is throwing you a bone and you want it to work, so you want to accept it. I have a couple of thoughts ....
ReplyDelete1) in addition to the utilities and such, there are other home expenses. You own the house, so I assume you have a mortgage. Maintenance is periodically required. If you had a roommate, what would you charge that person each month? I think that should be added to your monthly 250 euros cost.
2) do you someday want children? Will this man be a good father? Would you want him to be the father of your children? If you can't answer yes to this, then why bother investing so much energy and money into a dead-end relationship? If you want kids and he isn't the man to be the father, then moving on is a smart move.
As always, good luck!
I honestly believe that the conditions of this deal are fair. 250 euros is a fifth of my monthly income and if that help means we have a chance at a good future, then I believe it's worth it.
DeleteI'm not sure I want kids yet, things in my country are too difficult... but if I want a kid, I don't need Josh or any other man to have it. Since I was young I've considered the possibility of having a baby on my own (in vitro) and I like the idea.
ok... I'm new to the conversation. I'm familiar with most of your posters via other blogs though.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you need advice on what to do with your relationship. Only you can make the decision to stay or leave. However, I can give advice on the poker aspect.
Don't expect things to change for the better. It sounds like he did pretty well/ok during the easier years of poker. Level of online play (even at Pokerstars) has gotten a lot tougher since Black Friday (April 2012). Despite probably being smart and a good player he is probably not good enough to beat the online game for any amount that would be better than a part time job. He needs to come to grips with this and move on.
A full year of break even play should be the obvious sign. Unless he has been regularly studying and improving he has likely slipped compared to others who work harder. I could go on and on and on blah blah blah just know it. He should have better results to show for it over this long period of time.
That said what if he the game really hasn't passed him by?? If that is the case why can't he play part time??
I actually know someone very intimately who has a full time job with a long commute to work and two sets of twins who still finds the time to sneak in poker on the side for profit. It can be done.
"Josh" just doesn't want to put any effort into things.
I used to stake and still share strategy with a lot of young, excellent poker players. My single biggest piece of advice to all of them is to get a full time job and play poker part time.
BF was April 2011
DeleteInteresting comment Vookenmeister, thank you.
ReplyDeleteCan you tell me more about how the "Level of online play (even at Pokerstars) has gotten a lot tougher since Black Friday (April 2012)"?
I ask because Josh started on PokerStars only after that, when his money got stuck in Full Tilt. Since then, more specifically since he deposited 5K, he has complained that PokerStars is always making him lose with the strongest hands. That's why his EV is showing he shouldn't be breaking even, but winning loads more than he actually is.
Is it possible that PokerStars is programmed in some mischievious way to rob people? Like having an algorithm that makes sure that, at a table, the best hands are more usually handed to the two players with more chips, so they both go all in more times, thus increasing the house's profit? (at least in Full Tilt, the house got a percentage of every bet, so it makes sense that they would want people betting as many hands and as high as possible)
Something else: Josh has had good luck in FT and PS while his bankroll was low. Whenever he made a large deposit, his luck took a terrible turn. Is it possible that the algorithm is programed to "drain" larger accounts? Excluding the ones of famous players, because that would raise too many voices.
Maybe I'm being paranoid here, but this is something that always intrigued me.
What are your thoughts on the legitimacy of poker computer programs, overall?
Chances are extremely unlikely that Pokerstars is rigged. And even if it was somehow rigged (which i firmly don't believe) it would be a stretch that there would be an impact at his lower stakes. Of all the scattered online sites, Pokerstars has to be the MOST reputable and trustworthy.
ReplyDeleteI am discussing two things:
1) every year the level of play is getting better in general live and online. Folks that used to win easily many years ago might lose their ass now. Players are more well read and understand the various aspects much better. If "Josh" is not studying then others are probably passing him by.
2) If everyone is getting better than you really need an influx of new players that are less knowledgable. Black Friday and other instances before it has made it less appealing for the "fish" to play online. Not only is harder to deposit and withdraw, but even major sites like Full Tilt could prove to be financially insolvent and be shutdown. So in general your random run of the mill poker play is less inclined to decide to deposit and play.
Combine these two and you get a more difficult landscape of new players that are more knowledgable and existing players that keep improving.
I see... that makes sense. I see Josh continue to study and use different programs to help his moves, but who knows if that is enough... thank you for explaining it to me :)
DeleteIn addition to what Vook said...Pokerstars is raking in a million + a day. They have no earthly reason to "rig" anything. They are the #1 online poker site and have been for years
Deletewhy did u stop publishing new entries?
ReplyDeleteHi Tony, how are you doing? I've just been busy and nothing new is happening so far... I'm still a bit unhappy with my situation with Josh (I accepted the deal), not that the deal is bad, but it's not the life I was hoping to live at my age. So.. I'm letting things settle down a little, while still working on my codependency problem. Maybe I'll post an update later today or tomorrow when I go to therapy. :\
DeleteI hope at some point your self esteem improves through therapy and you see the light that you have far too much to offer to men to be okay with paying someone who can't be bothered working to take care of you rather than just doing it because he loves you and wants you to be happy.
Delete