Hello everyone, I caught a bad cold and have been in bed, I haven't been able to update or answer your questions. I'm actually fed up with thinking about all this. But I will find the time to go over his stats related questions you asked, specifically Pokerdogg's.
Things around the house have been pretty much the same, lots of tension mixed with peaceful periods. Josh hasn't been playing on account of his bad luck (well, he restarted yesterday). And I haven't had the patience to think about it.
We argue a lot, he still believes that because we're a couple I should "hang in there" while things go wrong, and pay for some extra things so we can keep a lifestyle that makes me happy (like movies, restaurant dinners and stuff), that he can't afford now, but will pay me back later when his luck improves.
I still believe I've given him enough and have actually started looking for a place to move, if it comes to that. I have a couple of friends that can take me in if I decide to break up with Josh. Kicking him out would be too dramatic and I don't want to go through it, I'd rather move out, give him a couple of months to go wherever he chooses to, and then return to my home.
It was my birthday the other day and he (again) made me feel bad. He went to his gym and was late to my birthday dinner with my family... oh and he only gave me my birthday present the next day, even though he had it at the house earlier. Me and my dad think all this is related to his past (he had a terrible childhood), because every year is the same: he always acts like my birthday is something completely unimportant and as if I had to be taught that. That's why he doesn't give me presents "on time" and despises any family events we organize. He has trouble dealing with family stuff, actually. I don't know if I told you his whole story yet... I believe not. Maybe on my next post.
Meanwhile I found a broadcasting service (Justin.tv) I can use one of these days to show my face and answer some questions if you like to be 100% certain I am who I claim to be.
Hope things get better soon.
xoxo
Andrea
Hey Andrea:
ReplyDeleteAssuming this is all on the up and up, here's the deal: you and Josh are both adults; but only one of you is behaving like an adult. For 99.9% of people, poker is a fun hobby; and it may be a way to make a little extra money. It is NOT a job. Your boyfriend is unemployed and not even trying to make a living. He is using you as a crutch. This is the reality. If you are using this blog as a way to get an opinion whether "Josh" is behaving reasonably, the answer is clearly "No." He is not. And anyone who tells you otherwise is likely just as immature and irresponsible as Josh is. You can post screencaps of his stats and any other BS you want in effort to find some opinions here justifying your actions. It's all just noise. It avoids the larger issue.
You have two choices -- (1) either accept the fact that you are in a relationship with a man-child who refuses to take responsibility for his life and essentially abuses your relationship to continue living a lifestyle he does not deserve (and continue using this blog simply as a way to "vent"); or (2) move on.
-Pete3
Hey Pete, what you so bluntly point out as REALITY is not that simple.
DeleteAnyway, the reason I posted Josh's stats was to try and get unbiased opinions on whether or not Josh has the potential to be a professional poker player, as he claims he has.
Any words on how childish he is are as valuable to me as Josh's own words on how focused and willing to succeed he is. Both are possibilities - I can only wait and see to confirm which one is closest to the truth.
I understand that you don't believe he can make it into that 1% slot. He believes he can. I'm trying to figure out how good are his chances, hence the stats. That is the larger issue to me, because I don't know much about Poker and can't figure out alone if he's just using me as you say, or if he's TRYING but not yet succeeding. To me, that makes a hell of a difference.
If you really want to help me, and not just show me the obvious/easiest way out of this situation (leave him), take a look at his stats and give me your opinion on his performance and commitment to his goal: to make a decent living out of playing poker.
Andrea, I play live poker for a hobby. I don't (because I can't) play online, and wouldn't be qualified to interpret Josh's stats.
DeleteHowever, as said in an earlier blog, he's been trying to play for a living for 4 years, correct? Isn't that a long enough sample size to see the direction this "professional poker career" is going?
Seems to me it's time for Josh to man up, and learn to support himself rather than rely on you. He can get a job (or go to school), and play poker part time on the side. I can only assume he chooses not to because he knows you will continue to support him. And, that's your choice.
Also (and maybe you addressed this elsewhere), does Josh about this blog? If so, how does he feel about it?
Hey! Hmm yes he's been playing for 4 years, but every year is different, he's matured a little bit and things have been improving regarding his commitment and responsibility towards the game. So.. based on his evolution, I can HOPE for things to get better. But of course things can get better so slowly that soon I'll turn 40 and am still waiting for better days.
DeletePart of me agrees that it's time for me to stop supporting him. Another part, considering our country's reality at this point and his studies/personality/job experience, is telling me that for him to get another job would only mean being miserable AND poor. That's basically my struggle. I'm not waiting for anyone to tell me what I should choose, I'm just keeping this blog as a record of my experiences in hopes it can help keep things in perspective for me (and eventually other women, but none so far).
Josh doesn't know about this blog, that's why I keep my identity private, I believe he'd be very upset if he read some posts and specially some of the comments you guys make :)
the only stat that matters is winning money or chips.period.the rest is game theory bullshit.
ReplyDeleteHmm at first glance that doesn't sound very reasonable, since there are tons of books on game theory... but are you serious? What do you mean exactly?
Deleteif u r playing poker 4 a job then u need to b making money at the game.game theory is all good 4 academics and sitting around talking with yr friends about the game but if u need x amount of money for the rent or whatever. then u need to make money at poker and not have pie graphics and all this bullshit.
DeleteI understand and agree...
Deletealso,how much is josh excepting to make a week playing poker?or is he just trying to break even and live off the rakeback?
DeleteThe original promise he made was to make about 700 dollars a month profit AND win a huge rakeback bonus by the end of the year. But now we see that he didn't win anything even close to that goal, so he's trying to breakeven and use rakeback to keep a decent bankroll to continue playing until his luck finally changes.
DeleteHi Andrea, sorry to hear about your cold. I hope you feel better soon. I just got over a bad cold myself, the longest I have had in over a decade. Not fun.
ReplyDeleteWhenever you have more info, I will do my best to look at them. I am sure you have all the unsolicited relationship advice you need from friends & family already, so I will not add to that.
Hi Pokerdogg, thank you for your concern :)
DeleteI've managed to ask Josh a few questions and this is what I've got:
How many BB does he win/lose per 100 hands?
- He says he can't know that in tournaments because the BB isn't fixed, it keeps getting bigger. He says this can only be asserted when playing cash, which he doesn't.
How many games a day does he still have to play to reach the Super Nova level?
- He says he has no bankroll to try to reach it. He'd have it if he hadn't been so unlucky right from the beginning of the year. Because he was unlucky and had to withdraw money from his bankroll to survive along the year, he wasn't left with enough to give the house (PokerStars) $50 a day. He claims that if he hadn't taken money off his bankroll he'd be 1st level Super Nova by now.
Not sure if this is helpful, but they're the answers he gave me...
More info:
DeleteBetween September and December 2012 (I gave him the 5K in September) he gave 4271 $ rake to PokerStars. He was playing 30 dollars tournaments.
From then on, he only gave 1500$ rake because he had to stop playing the 30 dollars and went down to 7 or 15 $ tournaments.
His ROI was 0, most of what he won was rakeback.
also, peter update on the condo. stripper pole?
ReplyDeleteProgressing slowly. Cabinets and appliances being delivered next week. After the kitchen is done, the floors will be replaced with hardwood. That will be when the stripper pole gets installed.
DeleteWhere the heck did that come from?
DeleteSWEET. pop yr collar,sir.
DeleteThe things that you are okay with from someone whom supposedly loves you are mind boggling.
ReplyDeleteIs this your first serious relationship? Were you abused as a child?
No, I've had two previous "long" relationships before, nothing this serious, but normal for my age at the time I guess.
DeleteI wasn't abused as a child.
I do suffer from a "condition" called codependency, according to my therapist. That means I don't have enough self esteem to stand up for myself and that I'll do almost anything to please/help/provide for my boyfriend (only a specific type of boyfriend, and Josh meets the requirements), even if deep down I'm not ok with it.
It is somewhat related to my childhood, not that I was abused, but according to my therapist and from what I can remember, I wasn't loved by my dad. This supposedly caused me to search for someone in my adult life that can make me "repeat" those feelings of being despised or unwanted and repeat the struggle to be loved - because that was what I was used to as a child.
It's a bit complicated, but basically I feel comfortable being mistreated. It's what I've always known and it's what my heart is comfortable with. My brain knows it's wrong and I'm trying to convice my heart of that, but it can take some time.