Saturday 10 May 2014

here we go again

Well, I guess you saw this coming. Josh was doing fine for the last 5 months and recovered part of his miserable stash (got back on the 2K mark), but just last week he decided it was time to go up a level. So instead of playing his usual 7$ games he went up to 15$ (this is not all he plays, but it was the main change).

He had a bad swing and it only took a week to destroy his bankroll. Now he's back with 800 dollars or something, and desperate. I don' understand why he didn't stop and went back to the 7$ games on time. He says he's tired of waiting and playing for pennies. I guess that's what you guys call "tilting" but he said I was crazy.

So... now what? He's been investing in antiques, but the business is slow, so that doesn't help much. He continues to refuse to get a job, even a part-time job, because he says that will keep him away from the tables and from making good profit (I guess it would also keep him from losing, but he doesn't see it that way). His final resource, as ridiculous as it may be, it's his inheritance. His grandfather died about 10 years ago and he should be entitled to part of the money, but out of respect for his grandmother, he never demanded it. Now he says he's going to start the process in court.

I sincerily have my doubts because he's very... slow when it comes to doing something. I mean the guy has had the papers to get blood tests done for almost 2 months now (he hasn't done medical tests in 10 years) and he still hasn't done it. He has no idea how his health is going, but is so... "lazy" that he just stays home, the reason being "I have no time to do it". Right.

Whatever happens, I'm worried that it will fall upon me to help him, again. Because I'll have to say No, and it may be the end of us. On top of it all his mood is terrible and we've had several fights. On the last one he made me feel guilty for being so lucky in life (since I didn't go through the trouble he experienced and had a "normal" upbringing) and underachieved, because he undermined all my achievements, saying they were all thanks to my parents and not from my personal effort or responsible personality. He says I have no idea of what it's like to grow up without money, cause I always had whatever I wanted and my life was easy - hence, I'm not more accomplished than him, I'm just lucky.

My house and my car were bought with money I got from an inheritance (I was lucky, my dad died when I was 10 and then my grandfather killed himself, and when my grandmother died I got all the money, since there was no one left); my house is partly decorated with furtinure my parents gave me (I am such a lucky brat, my parents help me out). The funny thing is that he's enjoying the very comfort he criticizes.He never contributed a dime. But that's not lucky of him, if I'd ask him for rent or regular gas money I'd be a total bitch. Because I have stuff. And he doesn't.

So... basically that's where we stand right now. I'm worried about him, since he's so negative and can't find simple solutions to his problems and apparently would rather kill himself than get a part time job. I'm serious, this is really how he thinks! It's so crazy... and pathetic, really. I don't know what to do, or even if I have to do anything, since he's dealing with the choices he made. But I still worry. I guess for the first time I'll try something different - will continue to help him out with food and bills, but not try to solve his problems, and certainly not give him a single euro for Poker. It's like if he were unnemployed and I was helping him out. I know it's not the same... his lazy ass refuses to work. But it's the only (acceptable) option I'm figuring out right now.

Thank you for reading. I hope you're doing well and to hear from you soon.


xoxo
Andrea

14 comments:

  1. of course hes going to feel this way--like me, he feels hes smarter, working harder (at his own poker business) than those with other jobs and has the same right to do the "type of work hes cut out for" --regardless of how much less it pays.

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    1. but you guys are not "smarter" that's why you 2 are in your situation,broke and grinding for 50-100 dollars blaming everyone else for your pitiful condition.You both lack WISDOM and are lazy asses with entitlement issues. But if I know a bunch of chimpanzees, I'll think I'm smart too.

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    2. ...and how much work is TBC doing on his poker game?

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  2. SNAFU,andrea. u know it,girl but only u can decide when enuff is enuff. also,TOOL was awesome at reno. NIN AND soundgarden coming to denver in july. slayer was awesome too. life is short. ENJOY IT,girl.

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    1. Cool! It's been too long since I've seen any live shows... but good bands aren't coming to my country that often :\

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  3. also,how r u preparing 4 the russian invasion or r u pro-russian and welcome the russian to yr country.

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  4. how is my dog,frankie, doing?

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  5. Sounds like he really needs to do some reading. If he doesn't work on his game, then he's destined to fail miserably...and take you with him. He also doesn't sound like he's a nice guy to be in a relationship with. Out of curiosity, if you were to make a pro list and a con list of why you're with him, which list would be longer? http://www.amazon.com/Your-Worst-Poker-Enemy-Schoonmaker/dp/0818407204

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    1. Hmm the last list I made, in therapy, was about 6 months ago and the cons were twice as big as the pros. Our relationship has no rational justification really. But by the end of the day it all comes down to "do you love each other?" And the answer is still yes. Thanks for your book suggestion :) I think he still lets his feelings interfere with his game, yes. And it's kind of impossible not to... if you depend on the game to eat and you keep on losing, survival instinct kicks in and it's inevitable to feel terrible. Maybe there are ways of stopping the feelings from messing up with the game, though.

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    2. Jared Tendler has written The Mental Game of Poker and it's actually a good book for dissecting why you go on tilt and how to improve your game from an attitude standpoint. If you have iTunes, he also has a free podcast. http://jaredtendlerpoker.com/ Excellent resource. AND there is a chapter about poker/life balance.

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